I'm A broken glass, READ if you can relate
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I Doubt anyone is reading this, frankly I doubt anyone would even care what I wrote, but I guess this is good way for me to vent and express myself. But feel free to comment below just to let me know that i'm not invisible and you've notices me.
How do I feel?
Well last Saturday March 10, I just turned 27.. I feel old.. Im not 30 yet but its around the corner. I still feel lost and alone. Everyone around is either married, Married and have kids, or they are in love with their bf, living in a fancy apartment and working their dream job or a career..
me? well im 27, I am fat and single, still living at home with my family, no driver's license bc I am afraid to drive, oh and work at a call center. I also have a bunch of health problems. Yup, im a total loser... I mean what's the point in living anymore when I'm not living.. I'm so miserable and depress all the time. I cry almost everyday and I feel so alone. I have my two cats and my dog sophie which I am so thankful for because they definitely are my life savers. Really.. my furbabies are probably the closest to a prince charming that ill have to save my life.
Prince charming.. Do those ever exist in real life? I mean movie, fairytales and romance books are such bullshit and I hate them so much\. They make you believe in love, which probably doesn't even exist.. I mean come on.. true love kiss? all guys just wants sex.. that's it.. nothing else.. they don't give a shit about your heart, your personality.. Guys just want to get laid and not talk about "your feelings" Everyone tells me that I just haven't found "the one" "the right one" well I don't think i'll ever find him.. maybe he just doesn't exist..
Weight/ self image
Lets be honest Most guys may come after me if only I look like Victoria secrete, or maybe like Megan fox, I mean that girl is drop dead gorgeous. Dark hair, blue eyes and a great body. I wonder what guys think of me when they look like, probably gross, fat and ugly.. probably don't give a crap about how good my heart is, how nice of a personality I've got.. they probably think im just trash or an old toy.. maybe they will get some fun out of me and once their bored with me they throw me away bc im worthless to them or to anyone. I wonder what guys see when they look at me..
I keep thinking if only lost 100 lbs, if only I was a doctor, Engineer OR Lawyer. If I had a fancy car and a nice apartment, I might be worth something. Maybe someone will see me and notice me, be proud of me. If I was a beautiful supermodel, an actress or talented singer maybe guys will notice me. I feel so invisible and unwanted, I feel alone and un cared for. I hardly have any friends I can count on, my family just sees as an embarrassment, a loser. If only I was more beautiful, if only I was smarter, if only I was richer, if only I was skinnier, If only I was better.. just maybe.. just maybe someone will love me...
I don't think anyone can relate to the same pain I have right now, I feel like I walked on a broken glass and my scars refuse to heal. I'm drowning and I just cant seem to catch a breath, Im caged inside a prison and I don't think i'll ever be freed from it. I can feel a demon inside of me, transforming me intro the darkness and soon to be nothing. I feel nothing..
so my reader.. can you relate to the same pain?
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