My depression and Anxiety pt 2
https://xosweet91kissesx-mylife.blogspot.com/2018/03/my-anxiety-my-depression-my-health.html
Hey everyone Its been a while since you guys have read my last blog!
it's been a rough couple of months.. I've been working a lot on myself especially on my health and weight gain issues.
it has been an emotional roller coaster for the past few years. if you guys have read about me.. I have been suffering from depression and Anxiety. I realize a lot about myself.. what causes my depression, what causes my anxiety attacks. How to cope.. how to control.. what to do and etc...I don't think my depression and my anxiety will go away anytime soon.. it's a constant battle.. one days its there.. next day it's gone.. maybe a few months im happy and content with my life and than next thing im hitting rock bottom again, panicking and crying constantly, it's just terrible and exhausting to deal with...
I realize that my depression and Anxiety obviously usually occurs when big events or situation happens to me.. such as losing someone, my job which I hate, finically stress and obvious reasons that causes everyone to stress out normally.. but I just react maybe 1000 times worse to these life events than other people who doesn't;t have anxiety or depression. I wanted to share some of the things I am currently struggling with, what makes me upset and what gets me going.. please comment if you can relate, or wants to share!
1) Family and Friends
These days I feel so lonely, my family never supported my mental health issues which I cone to decide that it's okay.. ill just have to battle with it by myself.. even though it's very difficult.. I'll just have to deal it myself because it's not their problem, not their burden and im sure they have their own sh*t they got to deal with. Besides I hardly even have a family.. I mean no one is ever home.. either their constantly working, in school or out.. I don't remember the last time we even has a family sit down at the dinner table with all of us? don't remember the last time going to the movies altogether or having a family vacation together do you remember? sad isn't it?
Friends- well I used to have a lot of friends.. one by one they just disappear from my life.. either we drifted apart or they were just douchebags and fake and weren't the true friends I thought they would be.. now I just have a few people I talk to here and there and see here and there.. I really just have one best friend that I can count on my life with, but even so she lives a state away, she is busy with her work.. I only see her maybe once a month or every two months.. I guess its just hard to struggle and deal everything all alone.. but I have to right? I mean you can have a million contacts on your list and maybe 1 or 2 people you can call and tell your problems.. because really there is no one that can be there for you or you can count on.. this world is quite lonely... I mean you shouldn't have to rely on anyone for your own problems. I mean who really wants to really listen to you all day complaining and venting... so I guess I just deal with everyone alone.. its sad, it's reality
2)work, money, stress
My Job literally makes me sad, and give me anxiety maybe like 80% of the time.. I work at a call center and its not like it's a hard job but it's seriously AN EMOTIONAL STRESSED JOB ... Im exhausted.. I would 4 days a week for 10 hours and I have to deal with rude, and disrespectful people all day, everyday . I mean really really mean people, mean enough where they would say to me, "f*ck you, B*tch, Don't efiin call me.. I even had someone threaten me that he was going to come over and shoot me just because im doing "MY JOB". Im sad because I wasn't smart enough to get a goos score on my SATS to get into and 4 year good college and only got an ASSOCIATE degree on something I hate because parents made me do it.. Im sad because I don't get paid enough to live on my own and I live with my parents and im 27.. Im sad bc I cant drive bc I have anxiety... im currently taking driving lessons.. im sad bc im just not happy at my job, I feel miserable bc even though im living at home I still pay rent, and lots of bills and now im just BROKE..I feel so useless.. worthless. I just feel like I don't matter anymore and im a nobody.. and who wants a nobody... Im practically a loser... which ;leads to my next topics.. Finding love..
3)Finding Love..and my weight
On top of being a big loser.. im also fat.. im struggling with weight gain and now I have to struggle with health issues too.. my weight is a big trigger to my depression.. my health is a trigger to my weight gain.. everything is connected.. I read somewhere that guys only wants to sleep with fat women bc it's a fetish.. kinda like guys sleeping with Asian girls.. but they just don't want to really date them .. or take them to their family bc why.. it's embarrassment.. This really hurts me.. because I know I have an amazing personality.. but no guys wants to date fat girls and on top of them.. im just surrounded with problems.. physically and emotionally.. Its not my fault.. and it hurts me guys cant see past my weight.. Im 27 almost 30 I had never had a serious relationship before.. its makes me sad and I ask myself everyday. "what is wrong with me? am I too fat? too stupid? not good enough? or am I ugly? everyone around my age, I either getting married, is married or already having a family.. why cant I find someone what is wrong with me? im tired of waiting.. ive waiting patiently for 27 years, and every guy that comes to me.. either just wants me for sec or just wants to be friends... why don't I deserve to be loved? of course I started to lose weight.. I wont lie.. im not just losing weight for my health but bc I think if I lose weight, if I was skinnier maybe a guy will love me.. isn't that sad? im struggling with my weight every damn day.. counting my calories per day.. making sure im not overeating.. makng sure I excercse enough.. its so strefful.. im looking at the scake and myself in the mirror everyday! but I have seen a nutritioniist and so far it's been a little over a month and I lost between 7-8lbs and im quite proud of ,myself.. I have a long way to go..
4) how I deal, how I control, how to improve myself and how do I cope with all this?
I have given you a lot of the main issues on what I have been dealing with. But I have been doing a lot better than I was before.. but as I said before.. its still a daily struggle.. I do want to share on how I self improve, and what helps me. cope... For my anxiety im not taking any medication however I just try to control my emotions by taking deep breaths and telling myself that everything its okay, and just think of the situation and act calmly its very difficult for me to do.. but I try to. Instead of trying to think negatively I try to think positively and instead of taking down to myself and always having self pity.. I tried to act of things.. such as I feel FAT.. I tried to eat less junk food, healthier food, exercise more by waking.. I tried act on things because I know what I want isn't going to fall from the sky.. I have to work for it.. I just try to stay positive and push myself even I going through this by myself.. I stop caring what other thinks. Even my own family.. because it's no healthy.. im tried of getting belittled and being down to all the time.. I only care about what I think about myself, I am the only one that controls my mind, my life and myself.. If I need emotional supposert I just simly hig my furbabies because mnothing makes me happy than cuddling with my babies, my sophie, my kiki an my Minnie! I love animals!
WELL COMMENT BELOW
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